Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
