She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
