It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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