If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
