I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
