My hand turned me down
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
