For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
