so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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