you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
