I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
