im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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