I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
