i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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