i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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