dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
