Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
