She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
