We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
