I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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