I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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