What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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