So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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