After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
