Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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