If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
