dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
