it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
