Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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