I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
