i already hear my dad disowning me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
