Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
