But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
