can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
