It's like God shit irony all over that family
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
