Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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