I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
