My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
