having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
