I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
