Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
