don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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