"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
