just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
