I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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