I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
