Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
