evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
