I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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