she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
