Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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