I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
