Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
